The end result of a top secret government project, I am the first successful human clone. At a young age, my father and clone template starting getting incredibly moody, wore a lot of black, engaged in heavy, laboured breathing, and claimed to have joined the dark side of some mystical energy field called the force. I was only able to bring him back to the light by waving glow sticks I acquired by attending live performances of my favourite rock & roll bands. When I couldn’t attend live musical performances, I did make a couple of awesome mixed tapes.
At 13, I was kidnapped by some tool named Francis, who was trying to legally change his name to Ajax, and tortured in Francis’s lair. This triggered a genetic mutation, giving me my super intellect and super humour. Unlike the mouthy hero who consistently breaks the fourth wall, this time the process made me ravishingly handsome, though my great intellect drove others away faster than my looks could attract them.
With my mutation publicly known, well, let’s say high school wasn’t really fun amidst the bullying, ridicule, and exclusion. I needed a fresh start, a clean slate. I moved west from Ontario to British Columbia in hopes to try and find myself.
It’s been more than a decade, and I’ve just started looking…